Ontological Dependence: An Interview with Matthew Wayne Hacker

Matt Hacker has been working in the University of Chicago’s John Crerar Library since February 2007. But that is not all he has been up to—he has also been taking the course “Boccacio’s Decameron” (not to be confused with Doraemon), classes on learning to milk Microsoft Excel for its worth, and discussing Aristotle on a weekly basis with friends, all while working and maintaining the status of a social star within the Facebook.com community. Currently, there are 20 active and enthusiastic members in the Official Matt Hacker Fan Club Facebook group.

I met Matt while working in the Bookstacks Department during college. Over the past two years, I have invited him to my parties where I personally served him drinks in the (the) Schlitz goblet, mooched his Parliament Lights at the Cove in my pre-lung-collapse days, and listened to his stories about growing up in southern Indiana. I, along with my colleague Sam, have decided that with a man like Matt Hacker in it, the world is a lucky place.

Sam (SM) and I (KH) took some time out on a pleasant Friday afternoon to interview Matt, so that the world may know more about him.

***

KH: Okay, Matt. What do you do that is related to the ASR [Automated Storage and Retrieval] project?

MH: [Laughs]…I make sure that the books that are going into storage have records, so that the ASR is not a black hole.

KH: A black hole. Mmhmm. What would you say is your favorite part of your job?

MH: I like that I've been permitted to use my own discretion in organizing the project I was hired to complete. I invite the challenge to establish a method for this work which will ensure efficiency and accuracy as we come ever closer to housing titles in an automated storage system.

KH: So your official ASR nickname is the “Whiz Kid.” We’ve all noticed that Excel is your niche, with your hidden columns, fourteen colored associated tabs and whatnot [see right; click for larger image]. What is your history with Microsoft Excel?

MH: I used Excel for high school physics lab reports.

SM: I did that, too.

KH: I never took physics. [For some reason, everyone laughs.] [Mumbles] I did take astrophysics, and used Excel for that.

MH: We are gelling as a team as we discover our past.

KH: Indeed. So how did you get to using Excel more recently?

MH: I inherited an Excel workbook from my supervisor of data accumulated over the past year. I was told to fill in the blanks, but the only information in there were titles and online backfile sources.

SM: Skeleton workbooks.

KH: Mmm.

MH: Mmm. [Pauses] I started looking for information to fill in, and when I couldn’t find it, I made it up.

SM: [Laughing] So Elsevier doesn’t exist!

MH: That’s right; [grinning] Elsevier is a character from a fantasy novel!

SM: What do you think about learning organizations? We posted on Chris’ blog about them, for a class he took. What are your thoughts on the matter?

MH: What’s a learning organization?

SM: Who knows.

MH: I like to learn about organizations, and I like to organize my learning. So I’ve always loved learning organizations.

KH: That's a good response. I agree with you. Now let’s get back to your recent, increased activity with Microsoft. How did you get involved with Access?

MH: I was convinced that the ASR project could only be carried out in its most efficient and accurate form by Access, by creating a database—shoutouts to George Rumsey. When I conferred with supervisors and trainers, they agreed. Access and I also dated for a while during high school.

KH: What went wrong?

MH: We were moving in different directions. She said I was moving too fast. I disagree.

KH: I’m sorry to hear that.

SM: So is it lonely working at Crerar? Do you feel out of the loop or anything?

MH: I’m a desperado. Crerar is my kind of environment.

KH: That's a timeless quote. Who is that man who works in the same room as you?

MH: Andras. A-N-D-R-A-S. Same root as “Andrea” or “Andrew”—etymologically, it means “man” in Greek.

KH: Oh, like “anthropology”?

MH: Right. [Writes it out in Greek for KH.]

KH: So, can you explain “ontological dependence” in layman terminology?

MH: The thing which is ontologically dependent on the other doesn’t exist if the other thing doesn’t exist.

KH: So does that just mean that two things are dependent on each other?

MH: Yes.

SM: So that’s important to his Excel sheets because the things in the workbooks are often ontologically dependent on each other.

[Not-present ER says in KH’s imagination: "Well, isn’t it nice to always know everything, Quiet Storm."]

SM: So we have to end this interview with something like, ‘Currently reading…’ What are you currently reading?

MH: Moby Dick.

KH: Are you serious? I tried to read that twice and didn’t get into it, although I’d like to.

MH: I’m 300 pages in.

SM: Make sure to put that in there so everyone knows he’s really reading it.

KH: [Writes it down; thinks back to the few pages of Moby Dick she read.] So what do you think of the relationship between Queequog and Ishmael?

MH: I like it when my foreign friend smokes in bed with me also, so I understand.

KH: Do you have a message for other ASR-related employees, and for your fans?

MH: I want my colleagues, friends, and fans to know only this: Rinse, and repeat. Always. Each and every one is already cooler than a polar bear's toenails. I think this message will accomplish more. [Originally, his message was “Stay cooler than a polar bear’s toenails.”]

SM: We need to know your inspirations.

MH: Bob Dylan…Kaiser Wilhelm II…and Wayne Gretsky.

SM: Not Ted Koppel?

MH: No Ted Koppel.

KH: [Scribbles "Ted Koppel" and then strikes it with an X.] Thank you for your time, Matt.

***

And that was our interview with Matt. Stay tuned for more exciting interviews with members of the ASR Crew and related staff!

Crerar Field Trip (Prelude to the Matt Hacker Interview)

Kei: Matt, is there a reason why there's a long sheet of paper on the door? Was someone going to write something on it?
Matt: Yeah, maybe something like, "ASBESTOS," but they forgot.

An important business meeting in Crerar.

The journal "Chest," sometimes featuring Dr. Vigneswaran, my savior and guiding light to proper breathing. For building use only.

I might need to start a whole label titled "Emily"

What remains of a birthday celebration of balloons, streamers, and a pin (tape) the tail on the donkey poster. Eventually, I had to let go of the decorations, but I kept this one balloon, which is sadly shriveled up in the corner of my cubicle.

On what I believe was the last day she could drive to work, she brought us McDonald's breakfast. The night before and after work, I wouldn't shut up about it to Mordecai.

And then a few days ago, I was thinking to myself, "How does one make banana bread?" But then I realized I needed near-rotten bananas, so I said forget it. Then I looked for mixes, but they contained nuts. Then yesterday came around, and Emily appeared with Tupperware containing banana muffins with brown sugar and cinnamon on top. Any nuts? I asked. No, she said. YESSSSSSS, I said. I should have taken a picture, but I was busy devouring.

The aesthetics of bookstacks

I meant to post these a while back, but I got distracted, forgot, my lung collapsed, was busy with work, took too many Ex Libris breaks with Sam, and so on.

My friend from the journalism school at Columbia (not College) took these pictures a while back in their art library stacks. She named the album "Death in the Stacks." While I believe strongly that there could be death(s) in our stacks and that we can get that creepy effect the hands have, I'm not sure we could attempt a photo shoot this pretty and glamorous with our Harvard Yenchings and CJKs. The natural lighting, at least, is just too dull. The best we can get is the big "motion" effect with the compact shelving...woohoo!

Regenstein is for Lovers... for real

First we had an event called Love in the Stacks. (Am I dating myself? I worked here then.)

Soon after, Vita had its nude photo shoot in the bookstacks.

Then, the creation of this auspicious blog, with its oh so cheeky title.

Now, this article about anonymous sex on campus, which apparently happens in Ratner and the Reg, among other places. How anything happens in Ratner is beyond me, as its the most airy, open, pleasant building on campus. It seems that the great myth of the bookstacks department has been confirmed. At least I never confirmed it with my own two eyes while shelving. I avoided the useless 2nd-5th floor staircase.

Valentine's Day is for lovers

Lovers of Emily's cupcakes, for instance.

ohgodtheyresogooditsnotevenfunny

Lovers, I said, not traitors.

About 5 minutes ago, I received a call from the Chicago Public Library asking me if I still wanted to be considered for the Library Associate position. The woman was nice, and admitted that it had been a long time since I applied (back in May). At first, I was confused--I mixed up Chicago Public Library for UChicago, and thought she was asking about the Harper Storage Supervisor position I had applied for. I was like, "Wait...oh is this the Chicago Public Library?" She said yes, and asked again if I wanted to be considered. Within about 3 seconds of consideration, images of Emily, Sam, glorious UCHP benefits, this blog and its contributors, and Hyde Park appeared before my brain. I was like HELL NO, SUCKERS!! Regenstein is for LOVERS! I'd be a TRAITOR if I said yes. I politely declined and thanked her for calling. I just helped create a playlist for the Holiday Party tomorrow--how am I gonna turn my back on that? All that time spent on figuring out how to insert Boyz II Men, Mariah Carey, TLC, and random Japanese Christmas songs into a relatively traditional playlist of Christmas songs for traitorism? I don't think so!

Note to graduating seniors considering jobs in library: apply NOW and maybe you'll be considered in 6 months. Don't ever count on the city.

YouTube

^Contrary to popular belief, the girl with the black hair is not me. But I wish it were. There is not enough open space in the Reg to accomodate such "Olympics," and most of our carts are too smart. Ha! (I.e., most of our carts are not wooden, therefore more durable, have two fixed wheels on one end, and wheels that go all the way around on the other. No fun.)

Questions Are For Lovers

It is 2:23PM, the day before Thanksgiving. We have a four-day weekend ahead of us here at the Regenstein Library.

I am currently sitting in JRL 170, where the lights are completely out. Electricity still runs through our computers though, so we must continue to work and...work...oop! Everyone's true feelings for work are revealed--multiple groans can be heard as the lights return.

****

Question: Where the eff are those Rainbow Twizzlers in the vending machine (E10)?! Why aren't the vending machines being refilled with them? I never got a chance to use them as straws! Who can I bug to satiate my recurring straw-obsession?

Question: Um...I had something relevant, but it seems I've forgotten it. So, who's excited about the Holiday Staff Party?!

[EDIT] Question: I remember now. Who took the Paris Hilton issue of Seventeen from the breakroom?!?! That Hilary Duff issue is old! And whoever is putting them there--please keep it up!!! [/EDIT]

Honesty is for Lovers

Not only does Awesome Boss Emily provide morale-boosting t-shirts, she has an observant eye for quirky things in the Reg. She brought my attention to the bathrooms midway into the hall towards the Staff Lounge, or the Breakroom, which leads to Ex Libris:


Yes, you're seeing right:

My mom used to call handicap symbols "Bathroom Marks." As in, the circle is a toilet, and the person is using it. So for a short while, when I was little, I used to think parking lots designated with these symbols were for people who needed to use the bathroom. But then I got smart and realized society wouldn't go out of the their way for people who need to go to the bathroom. I guess it's a reading room, in some sense, though. Perhaps this sign was made by someone with a sense of humor similar to my mom's?

Disturbing news

[Caution: freaky, 7 minutes long]

The Regenstein is for lovers; UCLA's library is not. Their security seems to be different from ours; the Tasered student was asked to produce an ID in the building, and when he couldn't, they asked him to leave because after 11PM, only students, faculty and staff are permitted in the building. Someone needs to take a tour of the Regenstein entrance if they're gonna Taser a student for security purposes...

Can you imagine this bullcookie going down here? You know Tyjuan wouldn't have it! He would've rationally handled the situation infinitely better before having to call UCPD.

What's also curious is that well into the fifth minute of the video, the UCPD keep demanding the Tasered student to stand up. Aren't Tasers meant to temporarily immobilize people so they can be controlled? And that student trying to reason with the other UCPD members at the end--it's good that people were questioning the cops' authority, but at the same time, it seems to me that a young college kid yelling at cops about justice is about good as telling him "Hume rules, Heidegger drools!" in this situation. Hopefully, we won't have to ever think about this for our lovely library.

Media is for Lovers

Meet "Team Sisyphus":

From the left: Dark Overlord, The Eradicator, The Fortress, and Sir Stamps-A-Lot. Not pictured, but highly crucial to ASR life at the Reg: Quiet Storm and The Viking.

Now meet axl, m.h. and my voice:

High quality, indeed. Thanks for the hospitality, Maureen!

Overdue updates

Okay, it's time for a new post.

Updates:

-Thanks to m.h. for the blog's makeover. We must put this new look to use with more posts.
-Welcome (back) to the Regenstein, happyfeet!
-Goodbye, axl! I guess the Oriental Institute is also for lovers, but not as much as the Reg. Write us from there!
-And finally, some Local 743 news from Gary, the library's 743 rep:

The votes are being counted now in the election for the Teamsters international officers. Around 300,000 out of the over a million members voted. The count will continue for several days. The few results we have so far from Teamster locals in the East are these:

Leedham 3,088 votes 31.76%


Hoffa 6636 votes 68.24%

Again keep in mind this is not an election for the officers who run your local. We are still waiting to see the outcome of a lawsuit filed by the Department of Labor against Local 743 for alleged election fraud. It's my understanding there is also an allegation of criminal activity. Criminal activity? In the Teamsters union!!

My immediate thoughts were: "I love Gary. And why is Jimmy Hoffa running for and winning an office in Teamsters?" Edit: Oh yeah. Mafia ties to the Union have existed long before my time. I knew that.

I have other ideas for posts, mostly involving pictures because those are always more fun (some of the ideas are not mine, but I always give credit where it is due). See you all soon!

The Stableboy Incident

She was the disaffected daughter of the burgermeister. Though she called a small town on the German-Polish border her home, the legacy of the Hildebrands' extended family, which included the Kaiser himself, promised a life of ease. Yet her destiny lay not within the paradigm of propriety and decadence which would propel the Old World into the disasters of the early 20th century. No, for though History could end her fanciful girlhood, History could also birth a new hope, safe from the horrors that awaited an ageing Europe. The heiress Hildebrand had fallen in love with the stableboy, and in the chaos of the Burgermeister's fury she would be disinherited and forced to fly to the New World, carrying nothing save the title of the noble family into which she had been born.

In honor of the romantic turn which brought Great Great Great Grandmother to Chicago --where her proud German name first fell under the shadow of the Krueger household, and then passed a generation yoked to a Scottish clan of Snyders in Indiana, and finally returned to Chicago through the efforts of a hardy, if not regal, band of marginally Teutonic Hackers--a foursome of Staxxx associates played its inaugural game of Pub Trivia flying the banner "The Stableboy Incident."

The memory of Great Great Great Grandmother was done no disservice by our homage. "The Stableboy Incident," though one position behind the "Guys Who Aren't Really Trying" at the finish, demonstrated competence in fields as diverse as Major League Baseball statistics, 19th century English literature, and early 90's sexual scandal. A beautiful effort by all involved (excepting Joe), the Staxxx representatives proved to a host of over-educated alcoholics that, though spare on the Reg's shelves, there exists a bit of knowledge in the library. Check it out in the Pub next Tuesday...

Why, hello there.

During the summer of 2005, I worked as a Bookstacks Assistant and frequently said hello to the Circulation staff. (This was well before I realized the range of their evil--they not only make the busy Bookstacks Dep't crank the failed automated shelves on the B-level for patrons, but they destroyed us in what can only be called an unjust, criminal game of kickball.) They were nice to me, offering donuts, informing me of the Regenstein's purchase of "The O.C.: Season 1" and showing me the action figures that have item records in Horizon.

Then one day, I went to check on the bins, and what do you know! There's this weird creature sitting back there with them. It was a cute addition to the Circulation staff; what its responsibilities were, or even its name, I do not know.

[Photo by Dan the Circulation Man]

I was told it was a New Guinea Butter Vine. Apparently, it's a curly type of gourd that can be eaten, cooked like an eggplant, stuffed, or baked. There is only a scant amount of information on the New Guinea Butter Vine in cyberspace, so hopefully people will arrive at this blog when looking it up for images. I wonder what happened to Mr. New Guinea Butter Vine; I hope he was stuffed or baked well and enjoyed his time at the Regenstein. Clearly, he is a lover.